A message to a hotel director

Dear Signor Diretorre

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your
hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a young man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see no shit(sheet) in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the Receptione and tell: " I wanna shit ". They tella me " Go to the toillett ". I said " No, no. I wanna Shit in my bed ". They said " You betta not shit in your bed,you sonnawabitch ". What is sonnawabitch?!

I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and
eggs and Two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss(piece) of toast. I tella waitress and point to toast " I wanna piss ". She tella "Go to the toillett ". I say " No, no. I wanna piss on my plate ". She then say to me " You bloody fella better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch ". Second person who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?

Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock(fork). I tella waitress " I wanna fock ", and she tella me " Sure everybody wanna fock". I tell her " No, No. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on The table". She then tell me " So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here! " So I go to the receptione and ask for bills.

I no wanna stay in your hotel no more. When I have pay the bills,
The porter say to me " Thank you and piss be you ". I say " Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch ".
I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, You sonnawabitch.